He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
