I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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