she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
