Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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