I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
