I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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