Can i not drive my cunt home
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
His hands were made for my vagina.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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