it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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