i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
