i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
