just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize