I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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