I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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