Im at strip club and am horny
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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