Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
