Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
