oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
