Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
