Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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