I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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