It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
