I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
