oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
