Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
