You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
