You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
