i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
