Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
