I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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