i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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