Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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