FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
