So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
