Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
