I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
