I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
