Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
