I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
