Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
