got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
