We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
