is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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