Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
