Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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