hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just invented taco cereal.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
