Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
