I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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