U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
