how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
