in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Randomize
