One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
