he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
