Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
