Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
