If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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