Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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