just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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