Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
