Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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