When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
