I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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