Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
