I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
