so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
