Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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