she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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