Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
