are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
