I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
