I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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