you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
