I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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