just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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