I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
