Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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