my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
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