Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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