She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
