new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
