if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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