You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
