You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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