We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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