one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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