Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Jerry, you need to find god
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
