you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
