I can text with my tongue
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need to calm my uterus...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
